Friday, January 29, 2010

Hold My Hand

Since Oct or Nov last year (2009) Kimi would ask me to hold his hand whenever he slept. To me, it was the sweetest request. Why? That showed that I was his security blanket... how nice can that be? :)

I've always put Kimi to bed and I would carry him in my arms till he slept and this was from the day he was born. But I 'trained' him such that I shall not be rocking him like a 'yao-lan' or walked around the house endlessly. I KNEW that 1 day he will be more than 10kg and that would be back-breaking! So I planned right from the start that it meant sitting down comfortably and with rhythmically patting only.

It worked. And that was how he slept, night after night in my arms. I loved the feeling! But as Kimi grew, he became heavier and my arm was giving way and so we progressed to a pillow propped on the bed and he sleeping on my thighs. Nice too. :)

Then came last year when he said he wanted to sleep on his own, in his own cot. Frankly I was devastated! So I let him, feeling so sad everyday. Then one day out of the blue, he said that he wanted to hold my hands and I was SOOOOO happy!

Last week's article on Mind Your Body was interesting. While all of us are guilty of subscribing to some Parenting Gurus on how to bring up our kids, the writer was so right when she said that the best parenting was 'gut feel'. And I agree. I never really bothered about what most books or Gurus would say reagrding when a child needs to be toilet-trained, sleep on his own, etc, etc. I always believed that 'when a child is ready, he will be ready' and that will make everything so much easier.

Kimi toilet-trained himself when we were in Hong Kong last year. One day at the hotel, he told me that he didn't want to wear his diaper so I said as long as you tell me or papa when you needed to go. And that was it. Of course there were a few accidents but it was far and few. Kimi is currently not toilet-trained for naps and bedtime. Again, when he is ready, he will be ready and I also do not bother to push him.

I know many parents are eager to let their child sleep on their own. For me, it's the other way round, I really have no hurry. Again, my theory was proven. When they are ready, they will be ready. Kimi is starting to display such independence and I am not in the least bit frantic that he still needs to hold my hand now to sleep.

In fact, I wished he would want to hold my hand till I'm 80! Such closeness with our children sadly to say diminshes as the child grows. It is a fact and we can't deny it. It will come a day when we will take a back-seat in their lives.

So, enjoy and savour the moment we can with our little ones cos they REALLY grow up too fast. Everything else can wait, the laundry, dirty dishes, your beauty mask and even sleep! Cos there will be a day when they may not even want you in their rooms!


jjloo said...

I chanced upon your blog one day. I love ur blog and Kimi's age is quite close to my girl. She is coming to 3 yrs.

I am with u all the way regarding 'when they are ready, they will be ready'. I also feel that there will be one day when our children will distance away from us. So make the best of our time now.

Cuisine Paradise said...

Hi Tona Mummy...I am so touch to read your little thought on "hold my hand"... it reminds me of my close r/s with rey.... since young he had being very sticky to me even until nw... and next year he will be in primary 1 I really nid to let go alot of things and train him to be independent and get ready for school... really can't bear to let the kid grow up.......

tona-mama said...

Hi jjloo,

Thanks for visiting my blog, glad you like it! Your little girl is so cute with her curly locks! Kimi too have a little wave.. :)

Ya, so sad don you think? Sometimes I wish they are forever 'sticky' to us! Haha!! Don we want to 'baby' them always? :)

In 1 aspect, we want them to grow up and be independent and then the other end of it is that we don want to lose their dependence on us...aiyo, I'm so contradicting...

Btw, can access your blog..:)

Sis Ellena,

Actually hor, I jus wanted to blog it down tt Kimi held my hand to sleep then don know what happened I jus wrote n wrote...

I can fully understand your situation and I know how close you both are! Isn't tt wonderful?

Don worry too much abt 'training' him to be independent, let us rest in our Abba Father and He will do the rest for us.

I do know how hard it is when they r too sticky. We want them to be this way yet we don want? Headache right? In fact, I think we are the ones that hv separation anxiety more than them and we depend n need them more than they need us...jus my feel.

You are soooo right, we cant bear to let them grow up. Don worry, Rey will be fine, we need to hug tog and cry n comfort each other though! haha!

Cuisine Paradise said...

yayaya... hahaha.. i guess when he goes pri 1 i am the one who cry instead of him.. cos more "worried" than him.... lol


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