Our pix with Enzo before we sent him to Brother Charlie's place - oh dear, look at my swollen eyes!Remember, some time back I said I was very troubled about a decision? But was not ready to share cos my emotions were all over the place?
Well, I feel more at peace now although frankly, I don't think I can be FULLY at peace. Of course, I've learnt to let go more now.
Due to some circumstances, we had to let our Golden Retriever go. Enzo has been with us since he was 12 weeks old and he will turn 6 years old in May. So, can you imagine the heartache that I have to go through? The decision is not mine but I know it's been made for the best.
Kimi and myself are always suffering during the end and early quarter of the year where Enzo sheds the most. It's also not helping with the fluctuations of temperature/weather during this period.
This year, my sinus had been the worst. I hadn't been able to taste food for more than 2 months. Hb was concerned that it will worsen my asthma. Kimi was also constantly allergic to the home envirnonment and hb didn't want it to develop into asthma.
Sigh.
Of cos, hb feels I've been overworked taking care of such a large dog and a rambunctious kid. And Enzo is also not getting the best of attention, naturally.
To cut a long story short, my heart still bleeds for Enzo who has brought us tremendous joy before we had Kimi. To me, I felt I have let him down ENTIRELY! I did not fulfil my promise to him to take care of him till the end. Even, Kimi was asking for Enzo the first few mornings when he woke. Saying sadly, "Enzo go!"
Heartache beyond words.
The week after Enzo left, I was like a zombie... just no mood to do anything around the house. Everytime I prepared dinner, I thought of him cos he's always waiting there patiently for some food to drop. Everywhere I went, reminded me of him. I even automatically, tie up a plastic bag and threw on the dining table, ready to be brought outside for Enzo's poo. But the moment I flicked the bag, my heart dropped and I told myself, I don't need to do that anymore ...
But I know the Lord is GREAT! HE has Godly plans. HE helped us find a very, very nice couple to adopt Enzo. Brother Charlie and his wife, Sister Christy are church friends and they love Enzo as much as us. What surprises me more is that Sister Christy has the SAME practice/beliefs re feeding/cooking for the dogs (they have 2 shihtzus).
We are so blessed that Enzo is in GREAT hands and we can visit him anytime. This is my comfort. I cannot thank GOD enough for finding such good people to adopt Enzo. GOD is good all the time, He knows our needs, He plans for us, comforts us and loves us.
I was so surprised at my calmness when I brought Enzo to Brother Charlie's place on 8 Feb 2009 while explaining all the feeding and intricacies of Enzo. I thought I would be a nervous wreck. I'm sure I would have been if GOD had not held my hand that day.
My heart still aches but seeing him soooo loved by his new family and Enzo being so adjusted and happy, that's what really matters ultimately! And although I once told my hb this,
1 broken promise, 2 heartaches, 3 changed lives
After these few weeks, I can now look at this more positively,
1 happy dog, 2 new friends, 3 changed lives
4 comments:
he is such a sweet looking dog. hope u feeling better - maybe can visit him?
Praise Lord!!! For His work in your heart and it totally change your mindset of what you see.... :) I am sure Enzo will be just as happy and well treated in his new home. You must trust the Lord for his plan... :)
i can understand your heartache. I had to send my girl away too. ironically, she's the smallest and almost less fuss over her grooming as compare to my shihtzu. so technically speaking, i should have send away the most 'time consume'.
but becoz of her attention seeking, i had to let her go since i can't give her the amount of time she needs.
it was really a battle against myself and real fact. j was so prone to bronchitis since he was a baby. during the 1st 6mths, i was so scare to even bring him out. coz most of the time he will get sick when out. and it will eventually get to bronchitis be it serious or not.
i was staying at my mum's place (still staying) and there's 3 dogs...so it was abit too much for me to handle esp when j is sick coz i still nid to vacuum and mop the whole flat everyday. and the constant 'nagging' from my mum was too stressful too. coz she kept on saying that it's the dogs that causes j too be so sensitive...blah blah blah...
i am still keeping in touch with her current owner (not often though) but haven't got the courage to see her. coz til this day, i still feel very guilty for giving her away. she's such a dearie!! always lying on my tummy quietly..i still tear when i think of her...
mayb i also scare to face the death of my current dog which prompt me to think mayb to be fair, i should have rehome both and also to be 'fair' instead of keeping one and letting go the other...
Javapot - Tks 4 ur concern and yes, he is a v sweet boy. Yes, we visited him a few times already and we are so blessed that they allow and encourage us to.. but sometimes I feel I have no courage cos each time aft the visit, I feel worst. But I know the Lord will heal me and hold my hand each time! :)
Ellena - Amen. Yes, I trust the Lord, else, how can Enzo find such a good home that is just like ours?
Mash - We are always struggling at times when we think if we made the right choice. But, I know when the Lord has planned for us, it is always right. That is really my comfort! It takes time to heal, I truly understand. Take care! :)
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